Dear Wendy,
My boss made me to join this association, and I hate it. They meet early in the morning, they don’t like me, and I skip as often as I think I can get away with. How can I assert my independence and tell my boss that I’m not going to go any more?
Dear Unhappy Ms. Independent:
We’ll come to several forks in the road on this journey, so keep both hands on the wheel at all times.
First: Why did your boss “make” you join the association?
a: If she wants to brand the company within that organization, then either find a certified morning person who would love to trade you for the evening networking group she yawns through, or find a new job. (You might also see if there is a different chapter of the organization that you could transfer your membership to.)
b: If your boss used to be a member, and liked it, and she thought you would too, you can come to her with an alternative – suggest a particular luncheon meeting and tell the why the people you meet there will be better prospects and GateOpeners. (But be respectful of this group, because if your boss liked these people that means you would be complaining to her about her own friends.)
c: If your predecessor was a member and your boss just made it a part of your job description too, find out how many new clients the company has gotten in the past three years as a result of this marketing activity. If it’s a double-digit number either get with the program or find a new job. But, if the results are iffy, check out three or four different associations and prepare a one-page report for your boss that lists
* the differences between at least four groups, (including this one)
* the results you would expect from participating in each of them,
* the costs associated with each organization,
* the one you recommend,
* and why.
Now, why don’t they like you, honey?
a: If it’s because they don’t know you, pick up the phone right now and make three lunch appointments. Tell these women that you’re new to the group, and you would really appreciate their suggestions about how you can make it work for you.
b: If you don’t know why they aren’t papering your walls with party invitations check for mis-match. Are you wearing bare midriff while they wear conservative? Do you slide in with wet hair when they are perfectly coiffed? Are you always yanking the conversation back to business after they share jokes? Do you fax while they voice mail? Are you sitting, eyes down, reading the WSJ while they’re schmoozing over bagels? Identify the mis-match, decide if it’s worth it to you to be flexible, then make your move.
c: How many ‘first moves’ have you made? At each of the next three meetings make five ‘first moves’. That means you keep your head up and be the first to make eye-contact, smile and nod to as many people as possible when you walk into the room; you are the first to say “Good Morning!” (without complaining about still being asleep or needing coffee); you are the first to walk over, stick out your hand and say “I don’t think we’ve been introduced yet, my name is”; you walk up to the speaker or an officer and thank them for something they did at the meeting that benefited you; you chase down a visitor after the meeting and offer to answer questions, (yes darling, I know you don’t know any answers, that means you’ll have to have a conversation with an established member in order to find out, and won’t they consider you quite the go-getter).
About skipping. Don’t.
There are no excuses for a Broad’s bad behavior. Until you’ve resolved this issue with you boss choose to be at each meeting 15 minutes early and be sure you speak with at least three different people after the meeting before you bug out. When you skip you are lying (your boss thinks you’re attending), stealing (the company is paying for the membership), and guilty – which is never a good way to start the day.
Finally, the conversation with your boss.
If you’ve done some research about other groups, tracked the financial benefit from participating for the last three years, and have it in writing, (my Mom, a consummate Broad, taught me that the person who has it in writing always wins), simply walk in to your boss’s office with the paper and say “I’ve been looking at our marketing budget, may I show you what I’ve found?”